It's easy to deny that I have something wrong with me. That I'm actually fine and my condition is all in my head. But as it progressively becomes worse it no longer gives me the concept to maintain that I am ok. Shooting or stabbing pains in my knee are more often noticeable. Doing any activity, even sitting, is strenuous. I notice myself wincing or grunting when doing simple movements like getting into a car. My tumors cause me more discomfort when descending. Such as going down a flight of stairs or sitting in a chair. There will be no squat thrusts for me. The last surgery I had I was using a cane a few weeks before the procedure. The PVNS became unbearable and I was severely limited on the use of my leg because I could no longer bend the knee very well at all.
I carry a cane in my car and have another at home just in case it gets to that point because I know full well that it will get there. It could even happen before my next surgery. I have 2 sets of crutches at home because I know I will need them after my surgery. I also have a ramp built over my stairs to get into my house so that I don't have to deal with stairs. I like stairs if I can use them but if it's a challenge I really do not enjoy trying to navigate stairs. Being a real estate agent in a city can be challenging because most new structures being built have lots of stairs. I'm not afraid of stairs. I'm not afraid of losing mobility for several weeks after my surgery. I have learned to become prepared for what PVNS puts me through because I have to. I don't have a choice. Even as I write this sharp pains are shooting through my foot and running through the back of my calf up to my knee joint.
I blame everything that happens with my right leg a direct result of the foreign stuff living in my right knee. And it's not welcome there and it doesn't care. That's where it lives now. It's like the homeless guy that lives on the other side of my property line. He is defiant and I have to live with him. During the day he bangs on a bongo drum and he's not good at it. My PVNS is just like that homeless drummer dude and his barking dog. Annoying. And there is nothing I can do about it but be patient until it gets handled. And so I live with it. I accept it. I have pain. Almost constantly. I do not have full range of motion. I do not. (I deny that the most). I can not swim, run, jump, bend, do most yoga poses, and worst of all I can't dance. Dancing is my therapy and I can't do it the way I want. My PVNS controls my dance moves and I hate it for that reason alone. But I won't let it stop me from dancing anyways, pain and all.
What I will say is this. I can do many things and I am so very much thankful that I can. I can still move. I can still walk. I can still use the stairs both going up and down which still amazes me. I can still swim somewhat and dance somewhat and it's enough for both. I can still drive, that's huge. I can do anything I need to do right now and that is all that matters right now.
